I’m An English Teacher—I Should Have Known…

Moving abroad requires learning the language of where you’re going. I’m an English teacher (or “teacher English” as I’m sometimes called). I’ve spent the last 17 years teaching English for Professionals. I’ve taught Business English, TOFEL, IELTS, BULATS (and quite a few other acronyms). So, I appreciate the importance of learning a foreign language and made sure I knew some Spanish before I came to Panama with my five-year-old daughter.

What I hadn’t done, however, was prepare myself for the cultural differences (silly, I know, but with hindsight everything seems obvious). I taught myself Spanish using books. In other words, not once did I learn with a native speaker. And studying with a qualified teacher who is a native speaker makes all the difference because you’re not only linguistically prepared but culturally prepared too. Learn English with an experienced English teacher, and you won’t fall into the trap I did when I came to Panama.

Language Courses Pay Off

I had only been in Panama for about four months. The city seemed like a labyrinth and everything was still so new. One night, whilst snuggling down to sleep, my daughter mumbled “Mummy, tomorrow I have to bring Figuritas Nachos to school.” If you have kids you’ll know; it’s those bedtime moments when the confessions come out or they suddenly remember something important that they need for the following day.

The Quest Began

Doing that voice that mothers do when they’re suppressing rage or trying not show their fear, I calmly asked her what Figuritas Nachos are. And my daughter did that voice that kids do; she aloofly replied, “I don’t know.”

Cunningly, I thought that Doritos must have been doing a promotion and putting something inside their bags of chips. I reasoned that nachos are a type of potato chip, or crisp as we call them in the U.K. At the time it seemed a plausible idea. It was late and I was alone, so I had nobody to ask or bounce ideas off. In England, cereal brands often participate in the “Vouchers for Schools Programme,” and if you collect enough vouchers from the cereal packets and hand them to your teacher, the school is awarded new books. Convinced that Doritos were doing a similar promotion, I became determined to get my hands on as many Figuritas as Panama City could offer. I ordered, “Out of your pajamas and back into your clothes. We’re going out.”

A Panamanian Rampage

We shot down to the corner store (el chinito as Panamanians say) and bought every packet of Doritos nacho chips. “I don’t like nachos,” my daughter moaned, but I kept shoving more inside her; “They’ll grow on you,” I growled. “Besides, we need to buy them and I don’t like wasting food, so we have to eat them.” All my European parenting skills of healthy snacks went down the drain. But it was to no avail. Twenty-three bags of nachos and no luck.

I reasoned it must be a bigger thing than chips; a sort of Mexican ready-meal available only in supermarkets. I dragged my very reluctant daughter off to Rey—walking, of course, because Europeans walk everywhere. We hunted high and low for Mexican ready-meals, but again, no luck. I decided to come clean and ask a shop assistant where I could find Figuritas Nachos. She pointed me in the direction of the pharmacy. I was surprised but took her word for it.

I marched us off to the nearest Arrocha pharmacy, reasoning that maybe only chips sold in Arrocha were participating in this school voucher project. Maybe Doritos was collaborating with Arrocha. But again. An utter disappointment. I went to the snack section at Arrocha and found no nacho chips with figuritas inside.

Learning The Culture As Well As The Language Makes Life Easier

At 10 o’clock at night, I admitted defeat. When I had asked the Arrocha shop assistants where the Figuritas were, they kissed their teeth and just nodded in a certain direction. They presumed I knew what they were and that all I needed was to find the aisle they were in. My patience ran out. I got irritable. I got homesick. I wanted to leave Panama.

The following day, I had to push my daughter through the gates because she was crying so much about not having her Figuritas Nachos. When I collected her, I took the opportunity to ask the teacher what Figuritas Nachos are.

Sorry, But…

It sounds like Mexican fast food. It’s sold in a pharmacy. Of course… it’s a book… why didn’t I think of that?

Now I’m familiar with Panama, however, I look back at that night and laugh. I could have read every Spanish grammar book in the world but the only thing that would have properly prepared me for the Figuritas Nachos Experience would have been a language course especially designed for my needs and taught in person.